Sleeping In

In the past week I been having problem with my sleeping. In fact even I went to bed at 10pm I still have problem waking up Lol Having a lot of "minds" going on in my head, you know how easy to have negative thought the moment you try to go to bed. Well the very truth that I learn is you can't fix anything in the middle of the night lol

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Philippians 4:4-9

I'm hoping to get to bed by 9pm and get up early, well I'll see how that go

Turn it around

For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime;
weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.

Psalm 30:5

It said in the word that His angry only lasts for a moment, but His favor lasts for a lifetime, in NKJ it said His favor is for life. Weeping may remain for a night... but rejoicing comes in the morning. Think back all the night of crying and weeping... I realize God had bought me through a lot of troubles, and morning is coming... again. This week on I'm going to step down from a lot of things I been doing in church. It felt a bit hard to stop sometimes, tonight I went to my first leadership meeting and Powerhouse message for a long while. one of the thing speak to me is that he said we need to know what we believe and know Jesus for real personally. I know I had heard this number times... but something seem to spark from the inside. I got my bible back... after that incident on Mother's Day. I seriously think and value the Word now. It is not always easy... but thing start to turn....

There always someway to turn eh~

Let's ride on...

Finish the Race~

"Since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the hoy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” -Hebrews12

I just been told one of my friend, he is facing serious criticism from his hometown. I don't know what to say to him, but as I really think about how that would felt like, this Word jump into my mind. The Word encourage us to run with perseverances and endurances. How can you run when you're trap and weight down? I myself is a country runner, I know how easy to start a race, but it take a whole lot to finish it. We know how bittiness and un-forgiveness can make us stumble. We know how people along the way might say things totally against you. But that's the time we need focus, we needed together and give each other encouragements. So let's get away all these things that weight us down, for the joy of the Lord is near, and let's run with purpose knowing what God stared will bring to completion. Let this year of 2008 be a year of break through!

Finish the Race~

Grace & Favor

Today is the last day of college, and for the next whole week we going to have a break. Even so, I got nothing plan really. Finishing Powerhouse Central, it was an easy night. We have around 20 sales on our coffee cart. It started to get colder at night, and it was good to have a cup of hot chocolate. I went into the Praise and Worship first time for a long time, in fact I haven't been in the meeting for like four months or so. I seem to have excuses not to go in all the time, , getting busy with set-up and all that. Oh by the way, I been told by my leader that I need to step out of a lot of things I been doing in church, the very reason that he think I'm burning out and not filling with the Words... When it came down to me, it sound a bit hard to step down, and I don't agree that I'm burning out. But overall, I agree hat suggestion.

Listening to the message of Joesph Prince lately on Grace and Favor. He said something very profound, "If one man disobedience, Adam causes us to fall into sin, and one man obedience, Jesus causes us to be righteous of God." If we agree that there's nothing you can do to earn righteousness, What make you think that your own "mistakes and short-coming"-"doing" will make you fall back to sin... In a simple word, you're righteous All because of Jesus, and His Grace and Favor is greater than whatever you can think of. I believe that's a very truth to me, knowing I'm secure in Christ and His Favor is over me...

Saturday.... Mother's Day

Hello Everyone,

I just been through one of the craziest week. So far I been telling the story to more than 20 people. So I sense the need to type it out to ya all. Firstly I got to say it is not about me, and I'm apologize if I did offense anyone at the first place because of my silly actions. Overall is all about Him, Jesus Christ My Lord.

I haven't been good, in fact there is not a day I can really say I have rest. I'm tired and weary, trying hard... not to try so hard. If you ask me what's wrong, I don't know how to express. I'm scared and a lot of time I'm not trusting God. One of those down moment when all these happen...

Two weeks ago...

I hear God saying... why are you crying my child...

I wrote something like...

Oh God clam my raging sea,
My soul long for your hand.
Oh Lord take my life,
My heart cry for mercy.
Don't be afraid
Don't be fearful
You call my name,
and hold my every tears.

It was the Saturday service, I was told to do coffee. With all the striving, all the longing I was sitting at the church. In the past few days we have our guest speaker, Reggie Debbs. He is an amazing speaker and a lot of the times I'm shock to see how much young people he is impacting. I remember last year Reggie speak at our Mother's Day service, he always paint a picture before he jump into his message, it is very encouraging to see how he can related to everyone. It was about the end of the service, he did an Altar Call. He said he'll give you twenty seconds to come out your seat if you want to receive Jesus Christ. As he said it was 44 steps to walk all the long to the front. Now I was sitting way at the back, I'm not happy the whole time. My mind keep asking the same question, “why try so hard” that's really what I thinking, but in my heart something is hurting, cause I know so well why he's trying so hard. Time is counting, and there is around 10 seconds left. The battle is going on in my mind. I don't know what to do, and in that moment. The guy in my back sit up and start walking up. Reggie is about to finish his counting, “5...4...3...2...1” And he said “So I fly all the way from America, but for nothing...but still I did my job.” He said I'm an Evangelism doesn't matter you respond or what I did my job. That's one I know it very well. And that one guy walk up to the front, the whole congregation applause for that man. The service finish, I didn't do nothing. I'm silent.

Finish all the clean up, I took a walk. People who know me properly remember what kind of walk I'm talking about. Ha no worry I'm not going to kill myself, but when things go hard, I'll take a walk. I need time with God. So I walk, and I stop pass the soccer field in Glennwood. I remember how I used to pray there all the times. I did a lot of silly stuffs as well, me and my friend used to ride bike across the field and get wet. We climb a tree and all that. So ya, I'm not in the mood to do anything like that. Well I did climb a tree Lol So I take the next three hours just praying. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm terrified and fearful with my calling. God how on earth I'm going to pass through this. It wasn't very pretty side of me, this depression is killing me. No matter how hard I try, I can't break it. It is hard for me running away from my calling. Well I was going to sleep there at the field, it was cold ya, I didn't feel like going nowhere. But somehow I know I need to keep going. So I was walking to my friend's house. For those who don't know I been helping this family to take care three children. I think I'm more the one need a family than they do.

As I walk pass the street I saw one of the car parked as I turn right. About two minutes later I sense people following me. A male voice speak up, “hey you, do you know any shops around here?” I said there is a Woolworths*supermarket ahead but it is close (I look at my watch it is 11pm) There are two guys late twenty, Aussie looking. They pretty much straight to the face and said, We need fifty bucks from you, if you give us we'll kill ya” I was not in a mood to listen to them. I said I don't have fifty, they ask for my wallet but anyone know me will know I never correct my wallet with me. My phone is died and they ask for my phone. The whole time I was thinking... I can really run why waste the time there. *I'm a country runner and I'm pretty confidence to get away. On the other hand, you can call me crazy, I do expect things like that to happen so that I can preach to them. But I'm not there... I don't really want to do anything. I was trying to slow them down, backing up... you know. I ask why you need fifty anyway, they said they need to get to the city and they don't have money. One of the guy is not patience, one punch at the face *well I was thinking they don't really know how to punch lol* I let them to go through my bag, but anyone know my bag is a heavy bag.. there is like 10 books in it. They couldn't have nothing, so the other guy said just take the whole bag. Before they walk off, the other guy look at my watch and said, give me that watch. Remember the G-Shock I had. Ya I said I can't give you this watch. He ask twice, “Is it from a family?” I said yes, and they walk off. I was standing there... you know those moment got you thinking.... the whole time you can run but you didn't, the whole time you can say something but you back up... and now they have your bag... are you going to let them go like that?

Remember your calling... that's what I hear. Is it from a family? That's what he said right? He do care... about family. I can not let them go, they're going to Hell if I don't do something. I make up my mind... So I turn and said “Excuse me, I got something to say. You know Jesus loves you and God cares for you!” One guy look back and though I'm crazy or something (keep walking) Okay this is going to sound real crazy, I don't even think and I started to spring, I chase them hard~ It is like 20m from the car, easy distance for a springer~ they're scared of me this time Lol Plus They're really slow you know Lol By the time they get in their car I'm already at their window. They got a sport car you know those low window one. They busy try to put the key in, I knock their key down, I said I can't let you go, you going to Hell I can't let you go, Jesus loves you don't you know!” The drive put me off a bit and they started the car, they try to put the window up and I was holding onto it. Now they park behind a car so they hit reverse really hard. And I was holding unto that window glass so hard till the whole thing break...ya the whole thing break (They must be thinking it gonna to cost more than 50 to fix the whole thing) And they drove off, ya they did... I cut my hand there, blooding every way... and I was crying man... crying so hard... on the ground. Not because of the bag, or what happen to me... but because two person is going to Hell... and I let them go again... Ya I know many times people telling me “Andy is not your job to do everything” but can you understand the same cry when Jesus on the cross crying out for you.... can you understand what it means to be distance between the cross and grave. What a price... what a price He pay on that cross. For you and I....

Two minutes later, one car finally stop( I was a bit mad the whole time there is like 6 car drive pass don't even care Lol) A man walk up is like you're alright? He said he is a off-duty police, and he saw a car drove pass him really fast, so he came by and see what happen. I told him ya they had my bag. He call the ambiance and checking my hand wound. It wasn't a deep cut and I'm not even care about much, I'm trying to explain to Him, “Two lives! Two Lives!” He didn't really got it, I said I don't care about the bag, but two lives is going to Hell. That I can not accept it. Few minutes late, the ambiance came and they took me to the hospital, I wasn't really in a mood to be sad, I'm preaching to the two person on the ambiance. I can not stop by thinking how I'm going to finish my sermon if I meet those two guys again.... how they will be saved and be in my connect group and all that! I don't have time to think about “what if, what if” So the way to hospital, it was a busy night for them. I don't even think they gonna to have time for me. I just chat with the people there... not many people have a very good Mother's Day.... they just need people to care eh... I lost my phone and I seriously can't think of no one to call... last name and address... got nothing... it take me two good hours to wait till the police came. I tell the whole story to them again... and they drop me off at my leader's house. (4am in the morning Lol) tell the whole story again Lol, we pray and went to bed. I slept the whole way through... till 1230pm, have lunch. Everything inside of me telling me not to come to church, but I know that I needed to, I need to be hosting... doesn't matter what happen I'm always a host and I stand on my conviction on that. So I rock up at prayer meeting at 4pm... and found out all my connect boys already know what happen (my leader already texted everyone, it is something we know..if anything go wrong we as a group will know the very first place) so ya after the prayer meeting I walk to my door. (where I host) say hello to my friend serve at information table, she look at me is like... is these your stuff? I look closely ... there is my two bibles and notice book which I'm so sure it was in my bag that was being stolen... hmm who hand that in.. and when is it hand in ... I asked but she doesn't know, she said it was here when she come in .... I was thinking and thinking... it wasn't everything there (my bag is not there, so as my phone and other stuff) but my bibles is back! That's what I most care about anyway...

At the 7pm services I was sitting there, thinking how does all these happen... did they return it or what? (I check my bible and there is my ATM card and student ID in it) I'm pretty sure someone had a pretty good look into it. Coming back to the service, Reggie speak again... I listen to the whole service... and at the end of it, before he even call the altar, I know there is something I need to do... Somehow I know that they're here... the two guys from the night is here... I don't know how I know it but I know it... so I rise my hand with my bible on high and walk to the front... ya people properly don't know what I'm doing... but I'm looking and looking... right at the front still have my bible in hand and turn around... waited and waited... (one of the pastor tell me to put it down caz of distraction but I said I'm waiting for my friend... well got to put down) So we say a pray but they didn't came... we prayed, we tried, but they didn't came... Overall I believe they're here and I'm believing for their Salvation is yet to come... I already done all I can...

So that's all what really happen that week... I got myself in some kind of trouble as well caz I distracted the service, plus a lot of things in general... a bit down as well... it is like two weeks now... I'm not very organizing still, I'm been sick for awhile and all that... my leader got real hard on me and I'm pretty much step down on a lot of things I do... nothing crazy... I'm running out of money plus no jobs... don't want to be negative here but that's really the condition here but I'm believing this going to be a new season to rise again, got back to the Words again, praying again... Love again... God is faithful and thanks for reading the long long mail here and I would really appreciate your prayers and feedback.

Be Blessed

Andy

In my heart, in my heart, there's a fire burning
A passion deep within my soul
Not slowing down, not growing cold
An unquenchable flame
That keeps burning brighter
A love that's blazing like the sun
For who You are and what You've done

And as the fire is raging on
So your praise becomes my song

Have you ever have a song speak so clearly to you, specially when you don't feel like thinking too much? This is the song i guess, I remember how I used to play that song over and over again, but I never think of what's the lyrics were about. With all these longing inside of me, I found myself far from what I call to be, how I desire the sweet presence of God.